shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
