Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
