Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
