toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
