The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
