This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
