New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
