it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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