you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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