Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
