One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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