In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
