i barfeds in our rink
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
