So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
