Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
