i already hear my dad disowning me
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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