Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
