Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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