I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
