hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
