im about as happy as oj after his trial
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
