eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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