I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I am spending my child support on dildos
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
