Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
