i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
