Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
