Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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