If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
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