It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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