boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
