This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
