The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He shit in the fireplace
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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