there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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