dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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