Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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