If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
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