Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
