Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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