I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
