Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
