he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
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