That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
