i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
smell my finger.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
