I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
