I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
