I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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