Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
