so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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