When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my being single is dangerous.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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