Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
