She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm at about main and main street
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
