When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
