it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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