Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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